Dear Person who Stole Nate’s Bike:
Just so you know,
that was not a very nice thing to do.
What I’m wondering is this:
When you went home, and your mom called to check up on you,
did you tell her what you’d been up to today?
Did your conversation go something like this?…
Thief’s Mother: “Hello (insert name), how was your day?”
Thief: “Oh, just fine Mother dear, quite eventful.”
Mother: “Eventful, huh? That sounds fun. Anything exciting?”
Thief: “Why yes, as a matter of fact. I stole a bike today.”
She was probably so disappointed in you.
And not to point fingers, but I suspect you might be Larry*, the suspicious
who came by when I was home alone and who didn’t really seem to be selling anything.
Probably just looking for innocent bikes to steal.
Just so you know, Nate is very sad.
As sad as he was that time his hand was chewed off by a whale.
Actually… even sadder.
And seriously, did you really have to steal it in BROAD daylight?
Three o’clock in the afternoon is a LAME time to go around stealing people’s bikes.
Just so you know.
Basically, I just wanted to let you know you are very RUDE.
And I hope you get a flat tire.
*Names have NOT been changed